I finally bought maternity clothes. I went to A Pea in the Pod and found several cute things. I no longer feel like a dumpy, fat lady in ill-fitting clothes. I feel like a cute pregnant lady in a new dress.
Some people think that parents can push their children too hard. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Kids come factory shipped in a thick and gooey vacuum pack ready to suck up all the knowledge you can shove into them. That’s why their eyes are so big in proportion to their heads.
I intend to teach my child to use chopsticks and play Chopin with his or her toes just in case he or she were to become maimed while repairing the damaged power-tools scattered throughout our nursery. With the clumsy fingers of an infant, if our kid doesn’t read the manual with care and patience, he or she might find operating the lathe difficult, not to mention the levers and channels of our rickety table-saw are less than intuitive or predictable.
Of course, for a person to succeed in this world, physical dexterity isn’t enough; it will also require mental stamina and agility. For this, using a quality pair of headphones and a specially designed stereo-headset, one now has the ability teach the left side of a baby’s fertile young brain Finnish while teaching the right side geometry. I mean, for the sake of efficiency, it’s just good sense. And besides, should a child make it to grade school without a mastery of mathematics and at least one Scandinavian language, their prospects for a future of great success may be cast into doubt.
Lastly, rotating mobiles, like sleep, are, for the modern youth, obsolete. To get the most of of a child’s early ears, one should pinion his or her young eyes open during “nap-time” or “bed-time” so it can get an unobstructed view of the 32 ceiling mounted LCD flat-panels forever broadcasting a potpourri of MSNBC, CSPAN, PBS, and, for culture, VH1.
For a child to be well rounded and competitive intellectually with his peers, a parent can’t do enough.
Q: Were you planning on having a kid? Were you trying for a while?
A: When we were on vacation in September, I received a call from work informing me that I was promoted to Principal. Great news!
Mitch and I were back home and walking around town when Mitch said, “How about that promotion? What next, a kid?” Before he had a chance to say “Just Kidding!,” I told him yes, I want to have a kid.
Since we didn’t get pregnant after all these years, I figured he was shooting blanks or my eggs were old. I wanted us to go see a fertility specialist to find out if we could actually have a kid. Before we had a chance to make an appointment, I had to leave town for my Grandma’s funeral.
When I was in Oregon, I wasn’t feeling well, and I was very tired. I thought I was coming down with a cold. I was so distracted with vacation, the promotion and the funeral that I wasn’t paying attention to the calendar.
I was already pregnant when Mitch and I decided to try and get pregnant.
Q: Did I have morning sickness?
A: I did, but never in the morning, which was helpful. I could still go to work and get through the day without a problem. The “morning” sickness always hit me around 5:00 p.m. and would last until around 2:00 a.m.
Getting home from work was a little rough. Riding a crowded bus with people who smell like old meat didn’t help with my car sick feeling. It definitely got worse during the last two weeks of my first trimester though. The morning sickness totally creeps up on me. One minute I’m fine, the next I’m jerking around like a chicken in full body convulsions and making the most god-awful retching sounds.
Thankfully, the morning sickness has nearly subsided. It still creeps up on me occasionally. Like last night when I was leaving the office…I was waiting on the corner of Market and Front streets trying to hail a cab with a friend. We’re having a pleasant conversation, watching cab after cab drive by, each filled with passengers. Then out of nowhere I start doing my little chicken dance, arms failing, throwing my head back and releasing the sounds of hell from my gullet while strangers scurried past me fearing I was going to projectile vomit on them. Ah, what fun. It really is a great party trick.
Q: Have you had any weird cravings?
A: Well, not really. I already like weird food combinations: Peanut butter and grape jelly sandwiches with a side of Cool Ranch Doritos and a cup of Pace Picante sauce. Top that off with a big glass of ice cold milk. YUM!
Some foods I do like taste better than they ever have before. Like avocados and cheese. Not necessarily in the same mouthful, but that wouldn’t be too bad either.
What is sad, is that I can’t eat some of my favorite foods any more. Mushrooms = gross. Fish (any kind) = absolutely vile.
The weirdest craving type thing I’ve had so far is I can tell what time it is by a single particular craving. Every night at 9:00p.m. my body SCREAMS for apple sauce. If I don’t give the belly apple sauce, the belly threatens me with the chicken dance of projectile vomiting.
Q: Are you having a boy or a girl?
A: We find out on December 17th. Check back for an update.
One of my favorite artists, Liz McGrath, just posted some new items for sale. I really love this limited edition print, and thought it would be cute for the nursery. Mitch thinks it is way too creepy for a baby’s room.
What do you think? Please leave your vote in the comments.
Mom gave this to me for Christmas. Awesome!
- Mood swings are hormonal
- Look for friends and relatives who have older kids they have loads of good stuff you can have
- Donâ€™t buy new stuff, after 5 minutes it look like it is a year old and smells funny anyway
- Buy a good washer dryer, stain removers etc you will need it
- Donâ€™t get new carpet sofaâ€™s etc
- They are not a delicate as you think they are
- They fart and burp more than you do
- Invite people round all in one go, then you can bugger off and do something else
- Wendy needs to moisturise EVERYWHERE, stretch marks turn up in funny places
- Understand you WILL use disposables at the beginning, reusable nappies are nice idea but things are best described as loose early on.
- You will discover a whole new world of art held within your babies nappy
- You will start talking like a Eunuch on crack, to everyone not just your baby
- Babies faces are like TVâ€™s you can stare at them for hours
- The first month will feel like a year
- If you decide on Breast Feeding it might not come naturally, make sure they go straight to the breast after they are born
- It is the most rewarding experience you will ever have
Do you have any tips to add?
I had a dream last night that Peanut was born–a girl with dark brown, almost black curly hair and green eyes.
We hope Peanut will want to travel the world too!
Shelly was visiting Peru when I emailed and told her about Peanut. While she was there, she picked up an adorable little sweater for Peanut. Of course, the first thing I did was put it on Kirby. Doesn’t he look great in green?